{"id":3023,"date":"2025-08-30T21:23:51","date_gmt":"2025-08-31T01:23:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/?p=3023"},"modified":"2025-09-29T21:24:07","modified_gmt":"2025-09-30T01:24:07","slug":"not-normal-rockwell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/2025\/08\/30\/not-normal-rockwell\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Normal Rockwell"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Lyrics from a song but a constant question I ask myself is how long does a heart break. How long does it take to adapt, adjust, accept? There isn\u2019t an answer. Everyone is different. I found myself in a dark place not able to see my way forward. My brain has been foggy, and I am forgetful. I feel scrambled on the inside. Unsure. Incapable. Confidence is nonexistent. The loneliness is palpable. It has become its own being that goes everywhere with me. Goes to bed and wakes up with me. Rides shotgun in the car. Goes to work with its own little backpack packed full of reminders I will never have again. Eats with me. Wraps me up and smothers me like a heavy quilt of sadness. Prevents me from reaching out. Keeps me focused on details I cannot change. A few weeks ago, when I was struggling to hold on to reality, someone told me I wasn\u2019t normal. That my behavior wasn\u2019t normal. I knew I wasn\u2019t ok but I felt this was something worse. It felt harsh but at the same time I began to realize that this person I had confided in heard it and pulled no punches. This person didn\u2019t know the extent of it but knew something wasn\u2019t right. I had resisted asking for an antidepressant because I didn\u2019t want to dull the emotions. I didn\u2019t want to be numb. I need to mourn and be sad and feel his loss. I didn\u2019t want the side effects. Then, I didn\u2019t have a choice. I found myself someplace I didn\u2019t know how to leave. A place some don\u2019t come back from. A place my own brave and strong willed father couldn\u2019t come back from. Functioning became increasingly difficult. Finding a reason to get up each day has been arduous. Freud believed depression is rage turned inward. I think I can agree with that but also that depression is more complicated than that. I got a prescription because I didn\u2019t know how to cope any longer. The white knuckling through the day wasn\u2019t working. I have stopped crying. In fact, I can\u2019t cry. I have tried. I can\u2019t feel. I am numb. Now I have a broken heart and cannot feel it any longer. Heavy like cast iron. I know it is there. I know I should be feeling things. I need to cry. I really, really need to cry, but without the meds, crying was the least of my concern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moving on is (indeed) the hardest thing I have ever had to do. How long is it gonna take? How long does a heart break? Each second burns like hours and each hour feels like days.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lyrics from a song but a constant question I ask myself is how long does a heart break. How long does it take to adapt, adjust, accept? There isn\u2019t an answer. Everyone is different. I found myself in a dark place not able to see my way forward. My brain has been foggy, and I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"blocksy_meta":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3023"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3023\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3067,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3023\/revisions\/3067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}