{"id":1681,"date":"2025-03-17T21:09:21","date_gmt":"2025-03-18T02:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/?p=1681"},"modified":"2025-03-17T21:09:23","modified_gmt":"2025-03-18T02:09:23","slug":"first-birthdays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/2025\/03\/17\/first-birthdays\/","title":{"rendered":"First Birthdays"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

March 17, 2025<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today is David\u2019s birthday. He should have turned 50 today. He should have been here when I turned 50 three weeks ago and when SL turned 20 three days ago. Here we are at another one of those “firsts”. I hate the thought of the “firsts”. I hate the mentioning of the “firsts”. I hate that they truly exist for me now in a palpable way. Cancer robbed us of time and caused us so much physical and emotional pain, but I still consider March 17, 1975, to be a pretty lucky day for me because maybe it was destiny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last year before his birthday I wrote about having sad thoughts such as how many more birthday and anniversaries David and I would get to celebrate together. I awoke on the morning of his last birthday plagued with the same intrusiveness, and I wrote that I decided to not give those thoughts the power they were demanding. Instead, I wrote a gratitude list of things about my favorite person while he was napping on the couch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This year, I went to sleep and awoke with a sizable hole in my heart because I had my answer. There would be no more wondering how many more birthdays I would get to celebrate with him. There would be zero. I really had no will to write and publish this year because it is painful. I planned to go to bed early and watch mindless TV until I fell asleep, but I decided to make an effort. Most likely, I didn\u2019t want to feel guilty for just wanting to shut my brain off over the unfairness and sadness I feel every day. Anyway, I sat down to make a list of what I miss about him. Looking over the list from last year, turns out the things are basically the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happy Birthday David. My best friend. The bond of a lifetime I feel I may never come to terms with losing. I feel like the sun set for me when you left, but I am quite sure every time I look at the night sky, those stars are burning brighter than ever. You made life worth living and were a reason that someone kept getting up in the morning. Now, I do it because you asked me to keep doing it, and I don\u2019t know what else to do. I hope you are happy wherever you are. I hope I get to know that happiness one day too. SL and I miss you so very much. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is what I miss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sense of humor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your beautiful mind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your willingness and skill to fix things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your unwillingness to let me feel sorry for myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your natural ability to be a great Dad<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your smile and dimples I can\u2019t see because of the beard but know they are there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your laughter when watching the most ridiculous movies and tv shows on earth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your introspectiveness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your back rubs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your willingness to listen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your enthusiasm when he teaches a class<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your telling me, in detail, about the dreams he had while sleeping<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your simplicity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your adaptability<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your social awkwardness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your willingness to do what it takes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your orange shoes for no other reason than they make him happy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your bear hugs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your patience<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your countless rewatching of movies he loves and can quote like Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, Dark Knight, O Brother Where Art Thou  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sarcasm<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your made-up dad jokes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your compassion and non-judgement<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your selective forgetfulness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your quick thinking<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your love for animals (and our clowder of cats)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sensitivity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your playing Jenga with the trash in the can to avoid taking it outside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your silences<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your excited explanations<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your catching an insect and putting it safely out of the house without harming it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your disproportionately skinny legs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your ability to build sand sculptures, and Lego, and anything you wanted<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your voice<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your brown eyes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your love for beef jerky, hot, hot sauces, and childlike joy for atomic fire balls<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your positivity in the face of my pessimism<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your fondness for Taylor Swift and your admittedly knowing all the lyrics and singing along to Taylor Swift<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your lack of rhythm<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your loyalty to the Atlanta Falcons<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your creativity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your knowing exactly the right things to say and do<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your strength (both physical and mental)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your kisses<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your wonderment each day over something new you learned<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your smirk<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your acceptance<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your analogies<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your refrigerator notes, lunch notes, etc<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your generosity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your stopping to move turtles out of the road<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your shyness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your cold feet<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your reaching to hold my hand<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your love for cars and shows about cars<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your hyper focus<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sense of direction<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your spaghetti, banana pudding, anything grilled, pancakes, and cheese fries<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your low-key competitiveness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your courage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your unabashed nerdiness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your advice<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your writing and bad spelling<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your friendship<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your loud heartbeat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your uncanny ability to always eat the one thing I was saving for myself in the fridge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your silliness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your natural optimism<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your support<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your always, without fail, letting me know me when your ears pop like at higher altitudes or just for any reason at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your random ticklishness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your yelling at the football players on TV on Football Sunday, Monday, and Thursday<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your unashamed choice of huge geriatric intended sunglasses just because they fit over your glasses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your almost stereotypical French nonchalance<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sharing of social media videos you thought were interesting or funny<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your surprise and amusement every single time when you told me something of interest you read or saw only for me to say yes I know because I AM THE ONE THAT TOLD\/SENT YOU THAT!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your beard and your whole face<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your sometimes maddeningly weird exuberance for beating me to checking the mail each day. Most days I forget it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your unwavering \u201cit will be ok even when it isn\u2019t\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your willingness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Your complete okayness with everything I did<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-and pretty much just everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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March 17, 2025 Today is David\u2019s birthday. He should have turned 50 today. He should have been here when I turned 50 three weeks ago and when SL turned 20 three days ago. Here we are at another one of those “firsts”. I hate the thought of the “firsts”. I hate the mentioning of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"blocksy_meta":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1681"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1687,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1681\/revisions\/1687"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gassett.info\/david\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}