January 15, 2025
Today the tub faucet started to leak. The cold side it seemed. You taught me how to do this before and after the diagnosis. I didn’t want to know how or think about ever having to do these kinds of things myself. I decided to fix it tomorrow and let it drip.
Tomorrow. I got your plumbing tools and went out to turn off the water like you showed me and SL many times. I came back in and got the seat and seal removed. I sent the kids to Home Depot for a part and when they came back, I put on the new part, went and turned on the water and came inside to see it still leaking. New seat and new seal. I didn’t understand. The wrench slipped and cut my thumb and I saw you shaking your head and heard you saying how I wasn’t allowed to have tools or knives because I always ended up bleeding. I immediately missed you cleaning up whatever cut I had and putting on a band aid and kissing it to make it better. I sat on the side of the tub, bled, cussed the old tub faucet, God, and this life without you and then I cried. I went outside into the dark cold night to turn off the water and on the way, I asked you to please show me how to do it. I don’t know if you can hear me. I talk to you all the time and it feels ridiculous but what does it hurt I suppose. I turned the water back off and tried to figure out the issue. I ended up just taking breaths doing what you would have done by reseating it and tightening everything up again. I walked outside in the cold dark to turn the water back on and talked with you some more about how I was supposed to keep doing this when I had no clue what I am doing. I went back inside and the leak had stopped. I put your tools away and thanked you for showing me how to do it before and now. Did you hear me? I miss you so damn much but the tub isn’t leaking.