January 10, 2025
Whenever I asked David for advice or I was in the throws of some hand wringing situation, he always said “just concentrate on doing the next right thing and that is the only thing you have to do right now” This concept comes from psychiatrist Carl Yung and was adopted by the recovery community and co-dependents alike as a way to center awareness in times of inner trouble. David practiced this in times of anxiety and depression and anytime he felt helpless to a situation. I was never as good as he was at doing it because my next question was always “what is the next right thing though?” he always patiently encouraged me to figure it out. I know I was (am) exasperating but he never ever showed a moment of irritation with me. It is sound advice and I keep hearing him say it to me over and over each time I find myself sitting here in tears begging “David, what do I do? How do I keep going without you?”
David and I never got around to seeing the movie Frozen 2 but as I was remembering the origin of this phrase I stumbled across a song from that movie called The Next Right Thing. Reading the lyrics just now, I have to wonder how it is that I am just seeing this for the first time right now. I thought obviously these words were written by someone who has been through a grief like this and a quick search confirmed that.
David was big on saying no matter how you felt, get up and shower. Even if you could not manage to do anything else after that. He preached this over and over to himself, me, and SL through various times in our lives. More recently, on days when he was weak and did not feel like getting off the couch, I would encourage him to do as he told us and he eventually would because he was smart enough to follow his own advice. Some days he didn’t have the energy to shower until 9pm but he never gave up on himself and trying to do the next right thing.
Today, I am in a struggle to move. I was awake until the light broke this morning. I don’ t have any direction from “the only star that guided me”. I am drifting, so when I asked him what to do. This is what came back to me today. So, I got up and fed the cats. Then I took a shower. So far, that is it for today. David would say that is plenty for now.
The Next Right Thing
I’ve seen dark before
But not like this
This is cold
This is empty
This is numb
The life I knew is over
The lights are out
Hello, darkness
I’m ready to succumb
I follow you around
I always have
But you’ve gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity
It pulls me down
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
“You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing”
Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don’t know anymore what is true
I can’t find my direction, I’m all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor
When it’s not you I’m rising for?
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won’t look too far ahead
It’s too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I’ll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then
When it’s clear that everything will never be the same again?
Then I’ll make the choice
To hear that voice
And do the next right thing
Songwriters: Kristen Anderson-Lopez / Robert Lopez
