January 7, 2025
Well David, even cheering from heaven, you and the big guy couldn’t make them Falcons win on Sunday. But it was at least close and as you have said for the past seven years since we last had a playoff shot, there is always next year.
I bet you didn’t know that David’s first job was a mail carrier and he sucked at it.
Before the schools were consolidated here in Upson County, every year, a new batch of kids from all of the county’s elementary schools came together to start 6th grade at Worthy Middle School. In 1986, a little girl from Thurston Elementary met a little boy from Rock Hill Elementary and began something indescribable that would span decades.
But first, let me back up, Among all these kids were these three identical blond haired blue eyed little boys from Yatesville Elementary School that caused many of the 6th grade girls to swoon. They were the Gassett Triplets and they were nothing short of miraculous to young 10 & 11 year old kids who had never experienced this phenomenon before. I also found myself intrigued by these little characters that people tried their hardest to differentiate from one another, but I never seemed to have that problem. They also had a cousin. His hair and eyes were brown and his name was David. David and I became friends right away and as my curiosity grew in the direction of his cousins, I asked him one day to deliver a “do you like me yes or no” note of sorts to one of them. This continued for a while until, like kids often do, they get bored and move on to the next more interesting prospect. It wasn’t until years later that truths were divulged about this particular year in our lives. You see…David liked that new little girl friend he had made from Thurston Elementary School. He LIKED liked her and this is when he decided to throw away any chance he would ever have as an honest and reliable mail carrier. David always read the notes and he admitted to seldom delivering them. He purposely “forgot” they were in his pocket and instead of bringing them back the next day, he just simply burned the evidence. See…David always knew what he wanted and while I could never say the same for myself, it was ok, because David always knew what was best for me too and he felt what was best for me… was him.
Through middle school our friendship grew. We shared the same classes except when he had to go to his “gifted classes” because he was… well…GIFTED. This was the smartest person I have ever met. Things he thought and said would stupefy me quite often including right up until days before he left us even when he was unable to speak. Those are stories for another day.
All these years, David has claimed to have loved me from the start. We played the I love you more game until he took his last breath on Thursday. Sure, he had other crushes but he stayed true to his one goal. To be my True North. My compass. My lighthouse. My guardian, my greatest supporter and bestest of friends. The one who love me more.
Time moved on and we reached high school and everyone else knew before we did that we belonged together. Even we could not defend the “we are just friends” mantra for very long. We were two weird and awkward kids that never felt they belonged anyplace except when we were with each other. We talked on the phone every single free moment. When we could drive, we spent every moment we could together. He continued to amaze me and wow me and infuriate me because I would never be smart like him. We was always right and not in a smug arrogant way. But in that he JUST WAS. I never thought I would be able to hang on to him once someone else realized his incredibleness. Little did I know, he wasn’t looking in any other direction because he had found his person too. I would leave my job after my shift was over at Kmart and he would be waiting for me in the parking lot. My stomach always a flutter to see him. That too continued up until the final days.
When we graduated, we decided to stay at home and go to college while working full time. I drove to Columbus every evening and he drove to Marietta. We did this for 5 years. Then one day when he got down on one knee on a regular July afternoon and in the least romantical way said “here”. I looked down to see a ring he had designed and had commissioned made by his family’s closest friend who also happened to be a jeweler. Accounts on what happened next may differ, but he would tell you I was disappointed over the lack of romance. He would also tell you he was so incredibly excited he could not wait one moment longer. He had got the finished creation and had polished it so much his mom worried he would polish the stones right out of it. So that was our big romantical moment that would become a running joke with us from then on when we had something important to say to each other we would just simply say “here”. HERE IT IS. HERE IT GOES. HERE WE ARE. HERE WE GO. HERE I GO.
We had the wedding, graduated college, I quit my job with a guaranteed salary, and we started a pet sitting business all within a few months. Love is fun but young love is stupid. Like many young people starting out, we struggled financially but we had a good time doing it. David was not a worrier, and I worried enough for the both of us, so it balanced out. He continued to support me and our ideas and our dreams and our goals without fail. He never said no. He always understood me. He always made me feel like I belonged someplace, to someone, and he never made me feel anything but loved. He gave the biggest, strongest bear hugs that told me nothing in this world mattered outside of us. It was always just him and me.
On a cold March day in 2005, David became True North to another little girl. Sarah-Lauren was born 4 weeks premature and I was rushed into surgery due to complications of preeclampsia with congestive heart failure. David was told to wait outside and when they rushed out with a little tiny bundle on the way to the NICU, he was left torn between going with her and waiting for me. The nurses would not meet his eye. They came and went without a look and he feared the worst until one came to tell him I was headed to recovery but they were unable to wake me. For the next several hours, he sat next to me holding my hand while the nurses tried to bring me out of the anesthesia. When he ever recounted that story, he had tears in his eyes. Recently, while he was in the hospital, I came back from making a phone call to him telling some of his nurses about it. All were in tears. He had a way of effecting people like that and also a way of having several nurses in his room at one time, but I digress.
David started to burn out in his job at Quad and getting relieved from that position was the best thing that ever happened to him. He quickly found his true passion and that was teaching computer classes to adults. He got a job as an independent contractor working with the Economic Development Division at Southern Crescent Technical College. He taught beginner computer classes, and every level of Microsoft Office and Windows Operating Systems. He customized training for business and industry and taught just about every person that worked in a business in a five county radius how to create and actually use an Excel spreadsheet. He kept a copy of every class evaluation he ever got and I maybe read a handful of negative comments over the course of 14 years. Those comments being “the room is too cold” and “I wanted more time with the instructor”. He loved teaching these classes and I told him I believed he would have done it for free. He thought the job was great especially because it left him able to take Sarah-Lauren to school and pick her up each day. Which was another passion of his. Spending time with his daughter. He loved her big. Everyday. Every moment. With out fail. Both of them singing Hank Williams Jr., Metallica, and Taylor Swift on the way to and from school. Incidentally, David was a Taylor Swift fan. He said the music made him feel happy and he didn’t look much further into it than that. After listening to his playlists a few times of people like Taylor Swift, Brittany Spears, Katy Perry, I said what it is with these women? He said I like my women a little crazy. I said ok. Then…WAIT!!! WHAT?!?!
Fast forward, Sarah-Lauren grows up and goes to college and we are looking at the next phase… that of empty nesters and finding each other again and growing old together. Then the diagnosis came that flipped us upside down and left us there. This is where the fairy tale grows dark. If you followed our cancer blog you know how the last 18 months has been. I will spare the recounting of the heartbreak and the inevitable that led us here today.
So now, I will tell you something he wanted to say. Something he wants you to pay close attention to. Get checked. Get every preventative check you can get as soon as you can get it. Don’t be afraid. Assume it is something to worry about. Don’t let fear or embarrassment or shame rob you of precious time.
I have been angry for some time, and I am guessing that will continue for a while. This story. Our story, wasn’t supposed to end so abruptly. Things like this didn’t happen to us. He wasn’t supposed to suffer so much pain. I was not meant to continue without him. I am rudderless. I am without my True North. I am not prepared. I am not ready. I am not willing but several weeks ago we were talking, and I was lamenting over not being able to go on without him. He said he had one request and he asked me to keep going. Keep going so I can tell people about him. He said I could keep him alive in that way. I know that what he was actually doing was trying to keep ME alive. So, I will try to do that with the blog he started a year ago on January of last year. He more than deserves that. I will try to talk about him and if you see me out in the wild and I have a story or see some random post on social media about David, then you will know what I am doing. I am trying to keep him and me alive. Over these past months of beginning to learn to navigate my way around without so much of his guidance, I adopted the WHAT WOULD DAVID SAY way of life. We will see how it goes.
I asked him not long ago if he had any regrets, and he said he was sorry and he felt he let Sarah-Lauren and me down by not going to the doctor sooner when the symptoms appeared. He could not have known that this diabolical cancer had been already growing for 4 years before it showed the first symptoms. He could not have known it had already spread to his liver and especially at the age of 44 when testing was not recommended until the age of 50. Now, testing has moved to age 45. I guess that is something but it wasn’t enough for him. For us. I told him to never apologize for that again. He did every test, procedure and treatment that was made available to him and sacrificed his body for more incremental time with us.
One of David’s favorite movies was The Big Lebowski. He watched this movie so many times and over the years he would explain the meaning to me with such enthusiasm. It was never clearer that this is how he lived and also how he approached this cancer thing than when I heard him explaining the meaning to the oncology nurses and then to his Interventional Radiologist who incidentally shared his love for the movie. The way David always explained the meaning was the guy in the movie “The Dude” constantly goes against the way things are supposed to be. He does all the wrong things and constantly rails against the flow, and every time, things go south for him. A stranger in the movie attempts to explain this to The Dude and he cannot be bothered to hear him because he is too busy fighting the inevitable. Once he finally gives up and gives in to the way things are, things start to straighten out and he learns the valuable lesson of just what “The Dude Abides” really means. Just relax. Enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Be tolerant of others. Be calm and open-minded in the face of adversity and encourage others to do the same. This is what David did until his last breath on Friday. This is the person I will admire and love until my last breath.
He didn’t like for me to call him brave. He thought it was silly and he was just doing what anyone else would do. But he wasn’t just anyone else, was he?. He was my everything. IS my everything. Which is why when they told us last week there was nothing more to be done, and he said he wanted to go home, I brought him home as fast as I could drive. I held his hand, told him how amazing he was and how much I loved him. I kissed his face, his lips, his hands. I fed him when he couldn’t hold the spoon. Crushed his medication in applesauce when he started having trouble swallowing. Lifted him when he was too weak to get up. I bathed him and wiped his face with a cool cloth and then administered the scary pain medication every hour until he took his last breath.
I know some of you may have wanted to speak to us before the funeral and maybe some of you thought you got to avoid it by just slipping in for the service. Either way, here is what we are going to do. After the service, a happy sad little song will play and our little family will walk out. We will be in the lobby if anyone still wants to speak to us. We also won’t hold it against you if you need to just walk right on out and back to your lives. We know how this goes. We understand.
So with that, I will leave you with the one word he said to me that has so much more meaning now and changed the trajectory of my life forever, “HERE”
