Not the usual long term or even short-term uncertainty that comes with cancer. I think people are generally familiar with those. There’s always another test and result to be scheduled and discussed. This is more like day-to-day uncertainty. Where is this pain coming from? Is it a side effect of treatment or a direct result of the cancer or both? Do I need to go to the bathroom again? Will I be able to pee? When was the last time either of those happened and how much and what did it feel like? Do I need to eat? If so, what and how much? Lots and lots of things I never even considered a year ago are things I think about on a daily basis now. I feel ok sometimes, is it because I’m on time with my meds or maybe it is just one of those times I don’t hurt or have any particular feelings. I had one of those not too long ago that I still remember. About one solid hour where there was no pain or discomfort. I was able to just sit in a chair outside and read and use my laptop. I’m glad I caught it because I try to think back and reflect on it in a positive way as often as I can (I don’t always succeed, sometimes it’s when I’m feeling sorry for myself). Much like a week late last fall in a break between chemo stuff all my bathroom issues seemed as normal as they had been in months. Then for one reason or another things will slide back to what is my current “normal” with some kind of pain or discomfort. I’m not exactly sure what this post is about. Maybe it’s just to say that having and being treated for cancer for me most times means that I’m not certain about much at all. If nothing else, several parts of this journey have taught me that being certain about something (good or less than good) isn’t a guaranteed thing, and honestly, it’s not the easiest thing to deal with, but it’s alright, I guess.